Kiki's

Ive talked about this place a couple of times, its brilliant for the little ones and gives all us mums a fab place to meet up, where we know the tots can run crazy for 2hrs and tire themselves out without causing too much damage. Obviously all this crazy running around means they get a good afternoon's nap and we can pleb somewhere on the sofa in the knowledge that little fingers wont be wiping jam over the sette in the next hour or so.

So this is Kiki's



Soft play corner


Dylan with his mate Archie. I kinda imagine Dylan and Archie sat in a similar position in about 14 years time, only this time it will be a bottle of WKD they will be sharing.


Archie in the Tunnel of noise.




Rachel and her mom. This is Dylans favourite slide, he comes down it head first and giggles all the way.

And finally the ball pits - of which there are about four - but this is definitely his favourite. (Mine too).

Im playing catch up, so bear with me.

Its been a somewhat hectic couple of weeks, Mr Whirl's visit set me off on my mammoth tidy, unfortunately things didn't quite go as a I wanted. I had plans to tidy and clear out for Christmas but the urge was overcome by the get up and go, which got up and went. Ive found myself often just sitting on the sofa pondering life and not getting much done.

I feel really wishy washy, unable to deal with friends and family on a more than infrequent basis. Ive had some lovely mailes from friends but have been unable to communicate anything of importance.

Dylan however fills my days with smiles and I frequently thank the powers that be for giving him to me. He has been totally fantastic this last month, when is he not, his language skills have come on in leaps and bounds, he's not clear with a lot of his words, but his meaning comes across loud and clear.

Shaun and Jo came to stay the weekend, their pre Christmas Dinner.

Dylan loves Shaun and Jo and though it took him a little while to settle with them after a few minutes he had Jo off upstairs showing her his bedroom.

We had a lovely night in with mum and dad at mine, chomping down on an lovely Indian provided by the local take-away.

The next day we relaxed at mums, yummy Sunday dinner and an afternoon snooze.

Im complicated.

But you already knew that didnt you? Went to see the neurologist today and the bottom line is that my migraines are "Complicated migraines" which mean that I suffer worse than the normal migraine plebbians out there - someone please find my cross whilst I chew off these nails.

Seriously though, he his hoping that the breast reduction will reduce the pressure put on the top of my neck and thereby reduce the severity of the migaines Im currently experiencing.

So - thats me back in the car - thank god! And just waiting for the results from the MRI/MIR (bugger me, whats that big scanner thing called?). Anyway for those results to say - "nope nufink serious - she's just complicated".

The Whirlwind hit again.

On Thursday night I had a gorgeous evening with Jo, Annette, Tom and Ramesh. Jo had one night in Geordie land left and was spending it at Annettes, which meant, ofcourse, that Annette was cooking. She is a fab cook and comes up with the most wonderful of dishes, mainly of Swiss origin, but lets just say Yummy sums up almost everything she prepares.

Wine and conversation flowed and it was great to spend an evening relaxing in Adult company. Tom gave me a lift home and I ended up sat on my couch, wondering who I could call. Tracy Pearl was the poor bugger who got my late night drunken ramblings. But this once it gave out to good things and he decided he was stressed and needed to get out of London and where better to de-stress than my house that has a thousand and one chores to keep him busy.

Friday passed in a blur as I prepared the leaving party for Jo and Naiomi, Annette and Orla turned up at 3ish and willingly ate the burnt chicken curry I had prepared for her - god Im such a domestic goddess. Ruth arrived with Josh and was closely followed by Fiona with THomas. Due to painting and final preparations Jo didnt actually arrive till 4.30ish, but the kids didnt seem to mind and we mommies filled up on coffee and snacks. Lets just say there were tears and sad farewells as Jo left. She has become such an important part of our lives that we are all gong to miss her so much.

Annette and Ruth helped me tidy a lot of the mess away, but signs of toddler chaos still remained as I headed off to meet Tracy. Im getting so much better at the anal problem, it really didnt bother me that there was mess all over the floor and chaos reigned, this is how I live now, love me, love my mess.

Anyway we had a very pleasant evening drinking wine and chatting. We watched Children in need, waiting for the QI bit, but it didnt show so we headed off to bed for a good nights sleep.

Dylan got me up with the birds Saturday morning and I allowed him to go in and jump on Tracy - Im breaking him in on the fun of kids (Tracy not Dylan). Unable to stop Tracy from whirlwinding I targeted him towards my TV, which he fixed - I can now record - Yipeee! Keefe picked up Dylan and Tracy took me away to "Sing and sign".

After my sessions were done we headed off for a walk around Whitley bay, then drove through to the Silverlink for something to eat. We then headed into the Cinema to watch a lovely film called "Stardust", funny, entertaining and most enjoyable. More wine, food and conversations and the evening passed in a most enjoyable way.

Sunday morning I woke feeling that I had achieved the impossible I had had Tracy Pearl come to stay and not had him running round my house fixing things.... that was until I mentioned that I wanted to pop into B&Q to price up a kitchen work top. We needed to make space for the mini dishwasher I had aquired from Freecycle. Tracy pointed out one wee flaw in my plan "It wouldnt fit", but in usual Whirlwind style he came up with another solution and we ended up moving the washer into the downstairs toilet and connecting the dishwasher up into the place it had vacated. Whoosh - it was done!

I took Tracy off to mums for Sunday lunch/dinner and then with minutes to spare put him on the Metro to head off for the train.

As I fell back onto the sofa I laughingly said to dad "God I need a break". But, as with H's visit it was wonderful to see him and Im now full of smiles and good cheer.

Baby loves boobies.

Dylan has obviously figured out that my boobs are going. He has spent the last few mornings waking up and gently stroking my boobs, not in some strange pervy type way, just an "I love you mamma" way.

This morning he woke up, rolled over and kissed my left boob, he giggled, then blew the biggest raspberry I have ever heard on the same boob.

God I love him!

Not being able to hold him, pick him up, play with him for the two weeks following the operation is going to be so hard. I only hope he doesnt have a strange reaction to the operation and decide Im not his mummy.

God now there is a nightmare worth having.

End of an Era - almost

Today a crowd of us met up at Kiki's - a gorgeous soft play facility in Northshields. Why - well to say a formal goodbye to Jo and Naomi. Yes our group is being split up. Jo, Ramesh and Naomi are leaving for Coventry - its all Ramesh's fault - his contract as Resident up here is over and now he has to go and be a Dr somewhere else. Just not fair.

Anyway - I hold in my anger (smile) and will return to the morning of celebration. Ruth and Josh kindly came and picked me and Dylan up, still not driving, still very annoying. Josh is lovely and his language skills are great. Ruth thinks he is far more tempermental than Dylan but I think he is just different.

We headed into the cabin, fighting the wind, and met up with all the girls and babies - sorry toddlers. Kiki's is such a gas. The little ones can run round like mad dervishes, its a totally soft and safe environment.

I have to admit though that as one of the girls, Ruby, was running round I noticed an older man following..I'd never seen him before so kept an eye on him. Ruby ran up to the bouncy castle area and he followed her. So that was me, following him -instantly fearing that something nasty was happening. I got to the Bouncy castle area and kept a careful eye on Ruby. It was only when Ruby called the strange man Granddad did I back off laughing at myself. I went and told Susan, Ruby's mum, and she found it hilarious that I thought her dad was a perv....

After running, climbing, sliding, jumping we all headed into the party area where the kids were treated to chicken bits, chips, sausage rolls and other party goodies. Annette made a gorgeous speech - which brought on the tears - and then presented Jo with a collation of photo's of Naomi, Jo and all their friends. Annette had gone to Asda and got them to put it into book form. If you want a present a totally great idea. A oil painting of Tynemouth Longsands, the beach we played on. And finally a cake with sheep on. Jo is mad about sheep. Tears were cried and hugs abound. I know we are going to see Jo and Naomi over the next week, but it suddenly dawned on me that she is leaving for real.

Its been an honour to be one of Jo's friends. She is such a gorgeously open person, who listens, laughs and loves freely. She is down to earth, easy to talk to and a joy to be with. We have gone through child birth and the following months, years of difficulties, she is one of my unique friends. Naomi is one of Dylan's first friends, I hope time and distance will not stop this friendship from continuing. There are only the 5 of us who have shared this experience and it seems so sad for one of my NTC friends to be leaving me.

Boobs are going.

Yes, I'm so excited, received a call from the hospital and my op is set for the 4th December. I go in at 7.30am, 24hrs later I will be a much smaller chested bird. Goodbye 34JJ hello DD's.

I'm nervous, will it change me, or will I get back the confidence I used to have. The idea of being able to run without pain, sleep on my stomach, carry Dylan properly. No more backache, shopping could be fun (nah that's just not going to happen). My life is going to change, my perspective on me will change...

I'm just bouncing with joy!

Hooch came a visiting

Its been six years 1 month and two weeks since the Hooch travelled north to play in my neck of the woods. I spent the afternoon doing my usual house preps, which were undermined by a midget with yoghurt and toys. In my new "Monica no more" mode I relaxed knowing that H wasnt coming to visit a clean house, she was coming to visit ME... oh and Dylan.

Cause I cant drive at the moment Keefe picked up me and the wee man and we headed off to the airport. I took Dylan into the arrivals area and we waited, I thought the plane was delayed but luckily it was on time (must be a first for Sleezy Jet) and within moments there she was all in black, fur trimmed collar and three inch heels striding through the doors and beeming. Dylan hid behind my legs and peered at her intently.

We picked up my car from mums and dads and headed back to my hovel. Its strange how I get nervous when I bring someone to my home, its not plush, not well decorated but its clean and its mine. Helen did the best thing possible, walked in, took off her boots and lit up a fag, whilst standing by the back door. Dylan was put to bed and I cracked open the cider for Madam Hooch and the wine for me. The evening was spent chatting and catching up and dissing my itinery of shopping and site seeing. Not that I was all that worried, Im not a shopper and a very poor tourist guide.

We hit the sack with alcohol and bonhomie in our veins.

Saturday morning arrived and at 6.30am Dylan arose, I attempted to creep out of bed and get him downstairs without too much noise but H was awake (yes, read it and be amazed). Dylan was still very reticent, but was slowly won over with a huge bagpuss and a Thorntons chocolate lolly.

We had breakfast - fags and coffee. Caught up on whats what, whose who and when was when. We attempted to get Dylan interested in Bagpuss but he was more interested in not eating his breakfast and sly flirting with H. H eagerly (cough) enrolled as my carer for Dylan whilst I did sing and sign, so we set off with the car packed up. Dylan apparently did little more than stuff toys that shouldnt go into other toys and tell H they were either "stuck" or "broked". After two hours of singing on my part and looking after Dylan on Helens I left the centre feeling refreshed and alive, H looked like she had spent two hours with 20 children. Fags and coffee soon put here right.

Dylan was shipped of to the caravan with Keefe and H and I headed into Whitley Bay for a late lunch and a view of the local shops. H has a reputation as a "shopper" but, please forgive me for saying this H, she isnt really. She just likes a bloody good bargain. We ended up spending a huge £10.00 on two pairs of pj bottoms. Bright red with spots on. The evening was a cocophany of perfection. Indian, Alcohol, two DVD's ("Notes on a Scandal" and the gorgeous "Love Actually"). Eyebrows plucked and face packs applied the evening passed with chat and laughter.

Sunday morning was a lazy affair, breakfast - smoothies, coffee and fags - and a film - "Sharks tale". We then went and picked up Dylan from Keefe, who is suffering with his eyes, popped in on mum and then headed home for half an hours relax before heading down to the airport.

Because of the ten min drop off rule it was a quick hug, big goodbyes and we left Hooch sauntering in fur trimmed coat and three inch heels with dolly trolly heading into the departure lounge. I think I got to the first roundabout before bursting into tears.

Having friends come visit is so bloody wonderful, it fills up your life with memories of things gone by and renews the joy of friendship. Some people I know dont particuarly like having guests but I do. I hate it when friends leave, I always feel so lonely, as if Im missing something. So Im sitting here smoking the fags Hooch left me and drinking the last can of cider, pretending she has just gone to the toilet.

How very, very sad! I had a wonderful weekend and hope that it wont be another six years, 1 month and two weeks before she comes back.

Aww Snot and sore throats.

Ive been off work for a week, not because of the snot and sore throat but because my Dr has referred me for "Neurological explorations - Me ead just aint right". But Im not thinking about at the moment. Im not allowed to drive, which is a real pain in the bottom, but friends and family have been total taxi driving stars and Ive managed to get around without too many problems.

This week though I thought I would be able to spend some quality time with my wee man, who has become a very clingy wee man indeed. But rather than going for nice walks and play dates the poor wee bloke has been locked in the house with me snuffling and sneezing like an Olympic snot sneezer. Today though I gave up all pretense of being well, turned the heating on and we lay in the living room, me under two blankets shivering like crazy an Dylan running butt naked round the living room enjoying the wind whizzing past his "Schnabby" (Willie in Swiss).

Tonight he went off with Daddy, it took two attempts to get him in the car, the first was a tearful disaster when he realised I wasnt coming, but with a bit of play and cheerful smiles he was enticed into the car and sent on his merry way.

Me Im off to bed with a lemsip and my book. I will beat this cold. Tomorrow is a great day for celebration. Remembering loved ones who have past us and enjoying candy and dress up.

Whoops - another month goes by

Ive been low, Ive been good, Ive been sad, Ive been busy, Ive done nothing. Ive filled days playing with Dylan, I got so low I raised my hand to him. We laughed so much I wet myself.

Lets face it Ive done a lot of things this last month, one of the things I didnt do was blog... but one of the things I did was this....

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mr Whirl wind visit.

This weekend I was visited by Tracy Pearl. He is a one man cyclone and I love him dearly. Thursday night we got drunk and caught up on life, fixed my computer, TV and made plans for Friday.

Friday with hangovers hanging Mr Whirl cycloned through my house, fixing the upstairs toilet - it now flushes, putting in extra sockets downstairs so I could have my phone in the living room and additional sockets in the kitchen. He also found time to secure my gate, work out how to record using my DVD player and sorted out my switches.

I needed a rest after he left to visit friends, but there is no rest for the wicked. I set off at 9.30 to do my first "Sing and Sign" class. Feeling brave I took Dylan with me. I had seven lovely couples show up for each session I ran. The all bore with me whilst I forgot signs, songs and attempted to keep control of Dylan. I thought the sessions were a bit "haphazard" but everyone seemed to have fun. Next week though I'm going to enlist mum to look after Dylan, its just too much hard work to run a class and keep control of the wee man.

I finally admit it - Supper Mum I'm not!

DIY Disaster but Im busy...

Yep, still no further forward than last week, got nothing done in the house but I have been fairly active socially. I got asked to sit on a panel for a local community centre - The Meadowwell, a volunteer lead centre that has recieved some lottery funding.

Its totally strange for me to be put in this position as Ive never really done it before, but Im gung ho, so turned up ready to go. The day itself was fun, I interviewed with a guy called Mel, we were two total oposites but it worked well and we both found the other was able to cover (or give the flanel) when required.

By the end of the day we were left with two candidates who shone, although the other six or seven really did present well and it was a hard decision. However we still had two other candidates to see.

On the whole I found it hard because its a huge position of power to be given. You sit there judging if someone is good or offering you the right information. And lets face it - every one blags at interviews. There was only one candidate who was totally awful and I hate to say it but he was the most "educated" of the bunch - just seemed unable to offer a full sentance without glipping off to some strange tangent. He had also "supposedly" ran workshops for people looking for work, offering advice on how to present at interviews, put together a cv and send out a letter....

How strange.

Anyway we did the final interviews today and was quite blown away by the two candidates, it took us a futher 40 minutes of discussion to decide on the correct candidate. I just hope we made the right decision.

Dylan was farmed out to Annette, who had a totally awful time with him - even with attending sing and sign - he got so upset he ended up being sick. Annette was at the end of her tether and almost called me back, but luckily he tired himself out screaming and fell asleep.

Ohh me thinks this two weeks holiday have, in a way, been a bit of a mistake, he has got so used to spending time with me that he has kinda taken steps back on the "leaving mommie" front. Im begining to worry about Monday, but hope that when I go back to work and mum takes Dylan he will find the routine soothing.

Ahhh is there ever a day when we can stop worrying.

Now Ive been told....

This last week or so, with holiday, DIY and Dylan I've been hiding from the world, I've not been out, not called friends and have fled to my bed many a night before the clock chimed 8o'clock. I'm not depressed, I've just been thinking, doing and yes I admit it ignoring people.

This week I've been in the house for a year, I keep walking around thinking "God I haven't done this, that or the other". Ive also decided to drop the classroom assistant course, its just not right for me right now, time and commitments just feel to much and make me think that I dont want to be spending this time doing a course, that it isnt really going to get me where I want to be. It's a big decision, but I think its the right one, I hope...

Today Annette turned up, unannounced all set to give me a dressing down. "Friends are there to talk to, to listen to you, to help out..." I felt awful because I knew I was doing it but I just felt that I needed the time out to get my head sorted.

Ive also had a dressing down from my friend Stephen, who has sent copious emails and texts.

So now I've been told - not that I'm bad, but that I have friends who care that I'm regressing into my shell. I feel good about that, I feel good about my friends and I feel good about life.

Scent of a mommie

Ive been on holiday for the last week or so. I intended to get the DIY in the house sorted: paint the hallway, get the laminate put down upstairs in the hall, replace the stair carpet, move Dylan out of the little box room into the big room, finish off the bathroom, kitchen and finally decorate the spare room.

Sadly - as is the way with plans - Dylan went down with the mother of all colds and my mum also suffered. With a very clingy baby and no childcare the plans went kinda to pot, but I did get the hallway painted and Dylans room, if I say so myself its very cute with a fishy feel.

Dylans cold though really held things up and I did, at times, begin to fret about my lack of movement foreward.

However I just had to blog about a little event that happened cause it sums up for me the closeness of us. Dylan, with his cold and chest infection was very poorly last Wednesday, so poorly infact that he even made himself sick trying to get settled. Eventually both of us lay in bed, he smothered vicks and me with worry.

Lying cuddled into him I hit upon an idea to help him breath and smothered myself in tiger balm, suddenly my cuddly baby was a screaming, spewing wreck. I hurried into the bathroom and washed off the tiger balm, then thinking my smothering idea was a good one, I covered myself in vicks, after all its a bit softer than tiger balm and Dylan was also smothered in it. I got into bed thinking "good thinking mommie" but nope, once again Dylan began kicking and crying, actually pushing me away, hitting me and getting himself into a right state.

Once again I headed into the bathroom and washed off the vicks, not sure what to do for Dylan I climbed back into the bed and pulled the frustrated Dylan towards me, he snuffled into my chest, stroked my face and then fell into a deep, deep sleep.

Just goes to prove that nothing beats the scent of a mommie.

A Day with Daddy

Wake up - once daddy has got out of bed.

Check on the toys


Ensure I have my dodie


Make some phone calls


Have a bath


Have breakfast


Get the guys round

Get the transport going

Visit the park

And you know... Have a ride

Climb some stuff

Have a bite to eat.

Before heading off home

To sort out the transport

and checking on the animals

Have my tea - mm pasta!

Then back to bed, to do it all again tomorrow.

Back to school

Well I've done it, I've returned to school - but this time as a class room assistant. It was SOOOOO much fun. And so bloody different from the slipper ridden, black board throwing days I was in the class room.

The teacher I'm working with Angie (but not in front of the children) Gibson, is a real inspiration, she is everything I could want to be. In control, fun and just plain Cool (yes with a capital C).

We did maths (scary for a CSE grade 1 passee) but I managed the tens, hundreths and thousands thang and even got control of the whole rounding up thang with a table of six.

We then did PE - which to me was running through the hills in short shorts, with mud, snow and pimples so large on our legs they matched the hills we were running over. To these kids though its a chance to learn, stretch and involve each other - perogative learning!

The final lesson was English - "Water babies". Angie (but not in front of the children) said I'm going to read this and I want you to follow it. My heart sunk and I was driven back to Miss Hughes reading through a story in a dead pan voice, no intonation and no full stops. Angie acted out much of the first chapter, discussing with the kids hard word that may not be understood and comparing today's life with the years of yesteryear.

I left after 3hrs feeling that I had learnt more in this time than I have learnt from my course in six months. The staff were friendly and welcoming and the kids - well they were quite lovely. Not the yobs of years to come but kids who wanted to learn, please and quite frankly shine.

Inspiration - Ive already decided to sign Dylan up.

The only thing I'm trying to get used to is being called Miss!!!

18 months old

What a milestone, my wee baby - or should that be toddler - has passed this milestone, my favourite baby site babycentre.co.uk says this:

On the move - Your 18-month-old is becoming a proficient walker. Ha - we laugh at walking - he is running! He may motor up stairs with help (huh - gates have been removed because he's just so bally confident and I cant be bothered to keep bumping into them whenever Ive had a drink)and likes to climb all over your furniture. He'll try to kick a ball, though he won't always be successful. He probably likes to dance if you play music and will push and turn buttons and knobs if they're in reach - Yep, switching tv on and off and the microwave has become the "it" toy of the moment.


Is he ready for toilet training? Before a child can learn to use a potty, he must develop the sensory awareness that allows him to hold in his urine or bowel movements. Most toddlers don't learn this until they are at least 18 months old. You'll have much better success if you wait until your child is showing all the signs of readiness before you start potty training.

Have to admit that this is the next step I want to crack - Ive been using re-usable nappies and whilst I love them the idea of getting rid of them makes me SMILE - so here is to potty training.

Developing memory and imagination - Somewhere between 18 months and 24 months your toddler will begin to show that he can think about things that aren't present. For example, he'll no longer be confused if you hide an object while he watches and then move it to another spot when he's looking away. After he discovers it's not where he thought it was, he'll keep searching.

Im really pee'd off about this cause its one of my favourite games, keeps Dylan busy for ages. I hide all of his toys and then he spend the morning looking for them. It used to be called putting things away!!!


Comfort objects and habits - For a toddler, a favourite stuffed toy is a great source of comfort. He might also have some habits that soothe him -- like twirling his hair, rocking, or sucking his thumb. Most children naturally outgrow these things by the time they're four, so there's no need to intervene now.

Dylan has taken to carrying things around in three's, the tiger, the elephant and the lion. Thomas, Edward and the blue train from Thomas the tank engine. The only exceptions to this rule of three is Roly Mo and little Mo who can be added to any of the above or just carried on thier own. Im not sure where this three rule came from, other than we always count to three - perhaps I should up the anti.


Discipline - If you reward good behaviour and do not reward bad behaviour, your child will quickly learn right from wrong. You could try to model the behaviour you hope to foster in your children, because they will learn by copying you. If you make a rule, like never allowing your child to leave the garden without an adult, then stick to it, and never let him risk it. He will soon remember that it is taboo.

Ahhh the ole stick to the rule rule.... hmm struggling with this one. That's me not Dylan, its really hard to say "No" and mean it when your peeing yourself laughing.

Anyway, its been a fantastic 18 months and Ive loved so much of the time, yes some of it has made me cry, but most of it Ive been laughing. Have to include this one pick - does it show potential to be a computer wizard!

Time flies

And I have done nothing, nothing I tell you except eat - not great for the diet. Sleep - hard when you have to get up at 6 most mornings and work - yep finally working night times to bring in those all elusive pennies.

Im working Tuesday and Thursday nights, its hard on the ole body clock - but the bank manager is a whole lot happier. Ive also completed my training for "Sing and sign". Dylan and I have been watchin the training video every day, Id like to think I have the confidence to do it, but the closer the day arrives to my new job the more Im begining to think, why the hell would anyone want me teaching them when Im singing.

To this end I watched Xfactor tonight and it scares me how confident people are, I mean there is a world of madness out there that think they can hold a tune in a tin can, and there is the big Simon and Louis saying no. Here I am putting myself forward as not only a tutor but someone with the ability to hold it all together with "twinkle twinkle little star" and "Old McDonald". Try it, sing those songs and suddenly realise that you need a drum beat and harmonies to hold it all together.

Other than that I've aquired two doors, with glass in them for my hall and toilet. I know - why would anyone want a door on a toilet with a glass panel, but it lets the light into my very dark hallway - only to discover that they are 2 inches two short. And who says size doesnt matter. Will freecycle them in the hope that size doesnt matter to someone.

Ive also got some paint for my bedroom, it blue, this house is becoming very blue. Its not one of my favourite colours but beggars cant be choosers and it came to me free. Im lining it up for my two weeks off at the end of this month. I was supposed to be going to Italy, but things didnt work out. Im now going to spend it trying to do as much DIY in this place as possible, in the hope that I will get a vist from Mr P (ex landlord who now lives in NZ) and his new sex goddess Freya.

We have also had fleas - yep, the cats, who lived with bunnies, mice and hedgelhogs in the caravan brought these peskie beasties into my house. I found one in Dylan's hair - FREAK ZONE - the house and cats were de-liced immediately with a deadly "Get out of your house" spray. No living thing was allowed in the house for two hours after spraying and the poor spiders and woodlice who have found comfort from the downpours that have been happening over the last couple of weeks, have died - mercelessly. Im assuming it was good stuff!!

Other than that all is fine and dandy. Dylan is with his pappy tonight, so Im on the VODKA - hmmm so nice. Off for a bath and then onto a good book. Cant remember what Im reading at this present moment in time but Im sure its something intelligent.

Gardening.

Ive spent the week digging up my garden following a free cycle advert. I got a bunch of red stones, gravel, and decided to renew the garden. Dylan helped, in many ways.



It was a slow process and eventually ended I up enlisting the kids from next door, slave labour is great, to dig up the cement.

Drank four cups of coffee and put down the gravel - who needs alcohol. I was a bit worried about Dylan on the gravel, but apparently its great for sticking down the side of his ball pool.

Each day amazes me with how he develops. How we develop. Sometimes Im caught thinking "how did I get so lucky". He strives each day to see something new and Im caught up in the excitement of life. The exploration of a new road, the finding of a leaf, the big dog at the end of the lane.

I offer him choices of cereal and he makes his choice. He is now pouring the chosen cereal in to a bowl, putting the box into the bin and follwing through things we take for granted, and it fills me with joy.

He's an obnoxious little grit when it comes to the word "no". He actually looks at you and smiles and then does whatever your saying no to, but I cannot stop laughing at him. The other day when I said to him "no, you cant do that, you have to take off your shoes" he looked at me, looked at his shoes and pulled at the velcro.

Ah he fills me with such joy.

I said goodbye to him today, when Keefe drove away with him, and my life felt empty. Of course I did what any sane person does and donned my marigolds and started cleaning. Luckily Hooch called me and stopped me cleaning floors.

Thank god for friends.

Argh - I swore

I would be more prolific with my blogging. D-man shames me with his daily updates, luckily Helen (Bugger she just updated) is as lax as I am.

So current situation.
Its 22.48 I'm watching Becket ( with Richard Burton) studied it at school and want to see if I actually read it. It appears I didnt!

Drink wise I'm a bottle of champagne ahead - it was reduced down to 4.49 from 10.99 and figured it was a good buy. Have cracked open second but getting wobbly fingered.

Emotionally wise: Dealing with shit. Have had a horrid cold. Men would call it flu but have got through it with child..... argh I love that sentence. Says so much to those who know and means so little to those it should.

Dylan is getting his second too last lot of teeth, so hopping the teething milarky will stop. But learning that with babies, once you deal with one load another comes firmly on top.

Breast wise: I'm under construction. Spent the weekend before appointment drinking nothing but water - sorry turning off Becket and going for "Fall of eagles" cause its got big skirts - and eating celery.

I was actually still 4lbs above my target weight, but consultant wiggled my boobs into all sorts or strange positions, measured my collar bones to nipples and proclaimed me a "prime candidate". I was then taken upstairs for my bloods and photographs, which were not taken cause the geezers had left for the day and that was me in.

I've also been given the go ahead for sing and sign. I'm teaching on a Saturday morning, two hours a week, and I'm, to put it politely, crapping myself.

Ive dug the garden up, moved slabs and grunged. Dylan has entertained me with his exploration of worms, he doesn't like wood lice, and mud eating. Apparently I'm not supposed to let him do this, but he seems to enjoy it. Maybe this is a forewarning of times to come "but officer, he so loved to cuddle those cute kittens". For now though I just see it as an exploration of life, what he puts in his mouth and doesn't enjoy he spits out....

What greater lesson can we learn!

Janines and Garys Sadness.

The cremation has happened of a little tiny soul. Janine's blog shows her sadness and pain and I cry when I read it, but I know she is strong woman who will learn to live with her sadness as time softens the pain.

I dont know what to say to her, I have picked up the phone so many times, but never quite had the strength to dial the number, I know I will just say the wrong thing, the stupid thing.

What do you say to someone who is dealing with so much pain and anguish, how do you show you care! Every day Dylan does something new and amazing and I am filled with such happiness that he is here with me. How can I help Janine cope with not having these memories, how can I take her hand and say "it will leasen" when I do not think I could deal with the sadness myself.

Its my birthday

And I will cry if I want too.

Today I turned 37 - nothing Im too bothered about, in fact it felt quite lovely to be woken up this morning by my favourite guy with a kiss and a wet nappy in my face. We played quite happily for the morning until I got a text from a friend called Janine, she had given birth to a little boy three days ago, Jamie, but sadly he had a heart defect and he had died.

I sat on the sofa clinging to Dylan my heart aching for Janine, Gary and their girls.I held Dylan so tight and clung to the thought that I am one of the lucky ones.

My heart goes out to this family who, for the last 40 weeks have looked forward to bringing new life into the world. A lovely family who cares and shares love and laughter. I do not know how Janine is coping with the loss, her body still thinking it has a child to feed and care for. Her emotions must be going through hell. I can only wish them love and peace at this hard, hard time.

I took salmon pie - it is not enough but it was my way of saying, I care.

Gardening is fun.

My mum is a bit of a gardening wizard. She makes things grow that shouldn't grow and they grow BIG! My wee garden was a real tip when I moved in - totally over grown and rather disgusting, full of cat poo, crisp packets and beer cans.

Mum however has been up two or three times and the garden has become a nice place to be in. It took a lot of time and lots of digging, clearing and planting. Plants are not my big thing - I'm a bit of a plant killer, but I've been converted. I'm growing tomatoes and peas. Matron and Hooch you are my inspiration.

Dylan loves it when we are out in the garden, its an obvious time for him to play in water and mud.



I brought some garden ornaments, a cow, a pig and a sheep, from Morrisons. Dylan loved them, but sadly they haven't lasted all that long. The sheep lost its ears within the first couple of minutes and the poor cow...



Best of all though was seeing Dylan lying with his face in a puddle blowing bubbles.

Happy Fathers Day.

Sunday we generally spend at mum and dads, mum cooks and I sit on my bum and watch my dad behaving like a three year old.

This weekend though was a special weekend as it was Fathers Day. As Keefe was down in London it was great to not worry about who Dylan was with. For Fathers day I had put together a collage of pictures of Dylan, for Keefe and my dad. Dad was really touched by it. He generally doesnt do photo's but the frame has been put in pride of place in the front room.

My brother, Shane, is a little bit mad and had asked my dad a couple of weeks ago what he wanted. Dad said "nothing really, just get something for Dylan". On Saturday a huge box arrived and this was inside it....



It took a while to blow up.



It set Dads electric pump smoking and mum and I were sent post haste to pick up a new pump. Dylan enjoyed playing in the box with the three hundred balls Shane had sent to accompany the boat - so Dylan wouldnt get bored.



Dad and Dylan had a "whale" of a time playing pirates, with thier sea dog, Jezz.



Mum and dad have now turned thier front room into a Marina....

Shiremoor Fair

Today I had to go into work, it was a bit of a pleasure actually as it was a fair.
There were all the usual stalls, bouncy castles and candy floss.



The weather promised rain, but we struck lucky and the sun showed its face. I thought it would be a bit of a pain as I had to take Dylan with me, cause Keefe was working, but everyone made him really welcome. He was given a balloon, which he carried everywhere. Stopping occassionally to flirt with the old ladies I was attempting to convince computers were fun. I spent most of my time running round after him, pretending to hand out leaflets.

We went on the tea cups


, ate candifloss and played on the computers....


All in all a rather lovely day.

Little Bloke turns 15 months.

Well what more can I say but that. He is walking, running, climbing stairs. Talking - the basics: mama-ma, daddi, gog (Dog), giving kisses, laughing like a drain and showing a personality that scares me - lol!



Each day I count my blessings, pick up the toys, clean the nappies and lie at night looking at his little face in wonder.

Big boobs no more.

This last couple of months Ive been desperately trying to loose weight, cause my Dr promised me that if I could get down to a set weight I would be considered for a breast reduction. So tell me why when I loose a couple of pounds am I sabotaging my own efforts with Pizza and wine.

I really want this op, I want to feel normal, I want to be able to run, jump and cross my own arms just like any normal girl (hahahhaha). But really I want to not have guys staring at my breasts like they are some gift from Budah.

Tell me why!

Ive got a stone to loose. I need to loose weight by August 6th... can I do it...

BLAHHHAHAHHAAH!

Me n my boy went cycling.

The other day the large globe in the sky shone and it was warm. So I got out my bike and dusted off the battery, which was still charged, and we went for a cycle. We didnt go far, just down to the beach, where a friend took this pic



but we had fun. Sometimes its hard to come back to this site and blog, cause I havent got my camera and my worms always seem wiggly without a pic to show what I mean, but today was lovely. Just me and the little guy enjoying the sunshine, meeting up with a friend and drinking caffe late(sp)

Life is good - especially when your not worrying about rain clouds.

Complete Bliss

Last night Dylan wouldnt sleep in his bed. He woke every hour on the hour, and I was intent on drinking a bottle of wine. Two glasses in and half way through "Ugly Betty" he cried again. I heard little feet thumping across the ceiling and suddenly he wailed.

I put out my fag (one should always keep the available homosexual available) and headed upstairs. There clinging on to the door gate was a little elf, his trouser leg to his new pj's climbing up his legs, his hair ruffled and his bottom lip trembling, his little arms held out "mummy".

I went into the bathroom and swilled my mouth, washed my hands and sprayed myself with deodorant - I hate the thought of him smelling me full of smoke - so I go through this rigmorole if I have slipped myself a sneaky fag.

He still cried out.

I picked him up and carried him into my room and he snuffled himself into my chest, his hand gently stroking my face and I felt bliss. I want to be a good mummie, I want to give this little being everything I can, to show him the good in our world, to teach him to laugh and dance, to listen when he is talked to and to smile through his fears. I want to protect him, hold him back from the scary stuff and wrap him in bubble wrap. I want to take him in my arms and make sure he is never hurt.

This is cleaning up poo one moment and loving his smile the next. Is this unconditional love?

White House Farm

Today Dylan and I joined Annette, Orlan, Jo and Naomi at the White house farm, which is a working farm that has opened its doors to the public. Its a fantastic day out and we were celebrating Naomi's birthday. Naomi was the last of the babies to be born, so now the NTC group have all turned 1. How quickly has that gone?

We saw goats, which Dylan loved, Rabbits of all types, the giant ones were amazing and I would love one to have at home, just not sure the cats would go for it... or rather they would go for it and that would be the problem.

We were also lucky enough to be involved in a lamb feeding - Dylan slept through this but Jo who loves sheep was totally excited.




We had to stop her trying to fit the lamb in her jacket...



Sadly the camera batteries ran out just after taking these pics.

We also had a little tour with the pigs - Annette's favourite animals - and were able to pat a pregnant pig called Lacey. I never knew there was so much to pig mating habits!!!

There was a soft play area, which we didn't go into but we did play in the park and went on a tractor ride. All in all a really lovely day out. Dylan walked so much that he actually got a little blister on his foot but he didn't seem to mind as long as he could torment the goats and chase the rabbits.

Arghhh Child minding problems.

Mum has been really poorly these last couple of weeks, with a sickness and diarrhoea thing that seems to have rolled into horrid proportions. Anyway because she hasn't been well Ive had to "farm" Dylan out to Jo, my next door neighbour. Jo is lovely and has been a real sport looking after him - especially as he has been teething so badly, not been the best baby to look after.

Today though to give Jo a break Annette took Dylan on. He apparently bawled his eyes out when I left but settled in front of the TV with Orla to watch the sing and sign video. Its great to see Dylan and Orla playing together they really interact so well and its fun seeing them learning from each other. Dylan taught Orla to climb the furniture and Orla taught Dylan to throw balls all over the floor so Annette could trip up over them.

My how they giggled!

Annette said she had fun, but found it a challenge, I managed to get back at Dinner time, which was great as Annette makes the best sandwhiches. Dylan went straight to sleep after wards which sounds great apart from the waking up, and screaming for his mommie...

Ive offered to reciprocate but not sure I will handle it as well.

Still Teething

Yes, its still on going, poor wee mite is really suffering with his molars. The top two have come through and seem to be cutting into the bottom gums, most nights he is awake at least four or five times, crying and moaning. Ive tried all the liquids and gels but nothing seems to be helping him.


He has stopped eating most foods, even bananas and for the President of the Banana fan club thats a serious thing to happen. The only things he wants to eat are yoghurts and anything that is cold, so Im feeding him grapes and mango when he gets so hungry he will eat.

I feel quite helpless, watching his pain and being able to do nothing to help. Last night he lay in my arms simply snuffling his way through sleep, desperately clinging to my neck each time the pain washed over him. I wish I could take his pain away, I would even take it onto myself if that were possible but its not, so all I can do is hold him when he hurts and try to give him as much comfort as possible.

Water play

Isn't it great, all this fantastic weather - Lets just hope it's not the only sunshine we are going to get - and good weather means water play. Dylan has been dying to get out into the garden to play so mum took him into hers, he loves mums garden, there are so many weird and interesting things to play with and break.

Today though it was just fun playing with buckets of water, getting drenched and chucking water at the cats and dogs.



He has been teething - his molar teeth are coming through and its been painful, Ive been using ambasol which usually has good results but even that hasn't been easing the pain, so it was lovely to seem him today smiling and laughing, just enjoying himself.

I change when my bloke isn't around!

Its true. Ive always laughed at those girls who suddenly stop answering their phones, who change to fit in with the "boyfriend", it seemed strange to me that they mould their personalities to fit with someone else. If the someone else loved them wouldnt they want them to be the same all the time - to be true to themselves?

Today I had the most gorgeous day with my wee man. I've got my bike back up and running and have attached the trailer my papa brought for us. We cycled all the way to Tynemouth (about 4 miles) and joined friends Jo, baby Naiomi, Helen and baby Archie and Annette and Orla. We had coffee and played. Babies running, walking and crawling all over the shop.

Im a clean living mumma who loves her little boy.

Keefe picked up Dylan and took him away.

Without my wee man around I drink, smoke, swear, listen to my car radio so it blows out my ear drums and worst of all drive above the speed limit.

Im a wild child!!!

Its a scary world

I woke this morning to hear this on the news.
Why was this guy so angry that he took a gun and torn the lives from 33 people. What could justify such action?

I turned and cuddled Dylan. It scares me that Im bringing a little human up into such a sad and angry world. What will he accept as the norm in years to come. How can we change it?

Plans of fools

Two posts in one day. Almost too much. But had to blog after my previous post to tell the world about my failed plans.

The last time I made plans I went out with a friend, watched a great movie - cant remember the title, but it was the one with Bridget Jones playing the woman who wrote about bunnies. I then proceeded to get drunk, behave in a rather bizarre manner had a fairly strange night, it was good.

So knowing Keefe was taking Dylan tonight I made plans. I booked tickets to watch another film and got ready. Then Keefe, who was looking after a rather grumpy Dylan, called me at six o'clock to say that Dylan hadn't settled, in fact he had cried from the moment he left me. He said he was bringing him back.

I didn't tell Keefe I had plans. I said "call me if you have any problems", so was my fault that he called? I cancelled my plans and I waited for Keefe to ring me to say he was bringing Dylan back, but he didnt call.

I've spent the night cleaning the house, putting up a blind in Dylan's room (its a real mess but I give up trying to cut a straight line)and drinking wine. Bugger me, the trials and tribulations of being a mommie.

Blogging.

I'm not sure if Ive covered this before but Ive been lax in my blogging recently cause I'm not sure about the direction it's going in. I loved my old blog but felt that I needed one for Dylan, so I started this one, then I found myself just blogging on this one and not on the other, but I find it hard to blog my own feelings on this one because its Dylan's.

I know blogs are whatever you are want them to be about so if this changes direction and you don't like it I suppose I'm saying sorry. Im not like D-Man with a huge readership, frequent updates and post of hillarious content, but at least I will be blogging on a more frequent basis and I suppose the title is ME, MYSELF and Dylan so I can blog about me and not just Dylan.

Can I?
Should I?
or more importantly
Will I!

New cot - big boy

Today Keefe came and helped me prepare Dylans bedroom for the big move. Keefe did all the difficult cuts and I laid the simple (Straight) bits of laminate flooring. Ive already painted the walls - blue of course - and put up his pictures.

It felt strange preparing his room away from me but its time. Whenever I go to bed I wake him with my snuffling about, tonight it will be nice to climb into bed, switch on my bedside lamp and read without guilt. Ive place a box by the side of my bed so he can get into my bed unassisted.

We just had a trial run. At about 10.30 tonight Dylan woke up and cried out. When I went into the bedroom, his bedroom, he was sitting in his bed just waiting for me. With the light from the hallway he proceeded to inspect his room, pointing at all the pictures and things I have hanging from the ceiling for him. "Ohhh", "Ahhh" and our favourite "Eeee", accompanied by him patting his chest and grinning. Once the room had passed inspection he toddled into my r and had a good look round, checked out the bed by climbing on it,(the box worked) climbed off after pulling the cats tail and toddled back to his room where he climbed back into his bed and went to sleep.

My baby aint a baby no more. He is a toddler - with his own room.

Birthday boy

I wasn't going to have a party, because there are so many parties for us to attend this month, but then it hit me that it is just not the done thing to NOT have that first birthday party picture.

So in my usual haphazard way I sent out emails to friends and family and then ran round all day yesterday attempting to get the house, myself and Dylan organised for the said party.

After scrubbing floors, cleaning windows (why do I put myself through this) baking a cake - a whole fiasco that deserves its own blog, but not got the time - I finally filled up my wine glass and welcomed Jo, Becki and Josh (my next door neighbours) as our first guests.

From then on it was just one wonderful guest after another, Kath (From the theatre) Daniel (Keefe's son), Malcolm, My mum and dad, Nicky and Rob, Rich, Andrea and Kiera, Annemarie and Ged, Carol and her two grandsons Nathan and Costa, Sue and Jack, Julie and Eva, Annette and Orla, and Sue - without Mathew cause of chickenpox - it was a mad 3 hours but totally lovely and I really appreciate the effort that everyone made in coming on such short notice.

Dylan finally allowed me to put him down at 4.30 and slept for a whole 35 minutes - he is just so bally nosey.

Keefe left with Malcolm, Daniel and my baby boy and I filled up my wine glass, ate the last of the pringles and humus and chilled.

Fabtastic - Happy Birthday Dylan, I love you so much.

PS Camera broken so cant download any more pictures - WAHHHHHHHH!!!

New Shoes

Nanny San got so excited at the prospect of buying new shoes today that instead of going off and doing the weekly shop we went to Clarks and brought Dylan not one but two pairs of shoes.

I have to say the service was lovely, they made it such a special occassion. Measuring up his little feet and trying on several styles before settling with the ones we did.

They even take little pictures so you can remember the day. Still to be scanned so for the time being here's a couple of pics of the wee man in his shoes.





Dylan was, as usual, a total star and once he got his new shoes walked round the shop flirting with the staff and generally enjoying his new freedom.

I felt a huge lump in my throat cause he really is developing into a little person and its finally hitting me that this is all very much for real. Its taken me a while but Im so very happy and content!

Sex Bomb

This one is for all the girls out there, who didnt get a valentines day card (like me).

My very own little sex bomb





I just know he will kill me for photo's in this blog. But hey, Im his mommie and Im allowed!!

My baby is walking.

Dylan has been bimbiling for the last couple of months, I was convinced that he was going to walk before Christmas but he just took a couple of steps and then dropped to the floor to resume his crawl.

But this last week he has been taking a few more tentative steps and tonight he walked right across the living room, raised his arms and grinned like an idiot. Suddenly he has found his feet and he is Loving it.

This video was captured a week after this post, but captures him perfectly.


My baby is a big boy!!!

Keeping your child occupied

There are lots of ways for us mums to keep our little ones busy whilst we do the things in life we are meant to be doing - cleaning, cooking, eating cookies but we have to bear in mind health and safety and the whole childhood abuse thing.

So what did I do...



It was very good whilst I let him play with the toilet roll



But once I tried to take it away

He's becoming such a little personality, knowing exactly what he wants and what he doesnt.

Work - its a big yes

Well I went into work and it wasnt too bad, it was actually quite good. I talked to Mick and laid all my cards on the table. I told him how I felt and asked for his help and support. We talked lots and were open and and grown up about the whole thing.

Not sure if it was the depression clouding my view, or just fear, but Mick was actually lovely and made the whole process of coming back really easy. He isnt the bad guy I was fighting with last year. Perhaps as Ive found myself again my perceptions of people will change. My first week was actually enjoyable, I felt as if I could do it.

Dylan loved spending his time with Nanny San and I so looked forward to seeing him after a days work. Our days off were spent just enjoying being with each other.

Say hello to the new positive Shannon. Part time ICT Tutor and full time mommie.

Back to work - Wahhhhh

Yes tomorrow is the big day! I'm returning to work, fighting with Mick the Mawanker and attempting to keep my sanity. Ive got myself organised, bags packed for Dylan and me. My uniform has been firmly placed in the bin and Ive raided George at Asda for cheap work trousers and a couple of tops that don't make me look like a frump. I'm sat here a little bit apprehensive about returning to work but no where as nervous as I was last time.

Dylan and I have been really lucky in a way to have this extra time together. I know I shouldn't be looking at sick leave as "lucky" but Ive seen him grown so much in this last four months that I feel confident he and I are both ready to face the big wide world again.

I'm feeling pretty positive. Pretty certain of what I want to be doing and where I need to be going. Now I just have to hope that Mick and NTC will let me do what I do best (No not blog and surf the Internet)but teach and interact with people - enthuse them about computers and learning.

And how is Dylan doing this week. Well he has started pointing at things and naming them. Obviously nothing he is saying as yet is really intelligible but he definitely has set words for certain things. Mum and Dad's dog is "oof" and the various cats are always screeched at with "at". I'm sometimes "mama", but more often that not I just get raspberries blown on me. K is addressed as "Da" which makes him smile no end.

He now has 8 teeth, four on the top and four on the bottom. All of which seem to have caused a sore bottom and sleepless nights. But he is now eating like a little pig and loving almost everything. The only thing he has so far "yucked" is mackerel and Lychee's. But I keep on trying them!

He is going to mum for child care. I'm really happy about it but do fear I'm going to have a child who is 8 stone before he is two as mum seems to think the best way to stop him crying is to give him his treat box (Which he already pulls out of the cupboard by himself). She also believes in old fashioned ways of child minding - this included sink bathing....



Yes that is an apple he has in there with him. Lets face it, if he's in the water and eating he wont get messy!!!

HELP!!!

Dylan the Elf

Ho HO Ho... think I might be a bit late with this one, but just found these pics and had to do a blog to show them.

At our last week of Sing and sign we had a Christams session. All the babies were supposed to come in fancy dress. Unfortunately, Jo, Annette, Suzanne and I seemed to be the only ones who were in on the secret, but with our Reindeer and snowmen hats, we sat in festive costume not careing one iota if we looked silly.

Dylan of course looked gorgeous - if slightly sulky. He wouldnt keep his cotton wool beard on and was teething a bit. But cute!!!


Could this be his first kiss with Niaomi?



I actually think he was after her dummy, but in years to come that little snippet of information will have been forgotten.