Its my birthday

And I will cry if I want too.

Today I turned 37 - nothing Im too bothered about, in fact it felt quite lovely to be woken up this morning by my favourite guy with a kiss and a wet nappy in my face. We played quite happily for the morning until I got a text from a friend called Janine, she had given birth to a little boy three days ago, Jamie, but sadly he had a heart defect and he had died.

I sat on the sofa clinging to Dylan my heart aching for Janine, Gary and their girls.I held Dylan so tight and clung to the thought that I am one of the lucky ones.

My heart goes out to this family who, for the last 40 weeks have looked forward to bringing new life into the world. A lovely family who cares and shares love and laughter. I do not know how Janine is coping with the loss, her body still thinking it has a child to feed and care for. Her emotions must be going through hell. I can only wish them love and peace at this hard, hard time.

I took salmon pie - it is not enough but it was my way of saying, I care.