Today was probably one of the lowest days of my life for a long time. I woke this morning before Dylan woke and attempted to express – ½ an ounce again. I felt so despondent. I attempted (as the book suggested) to get Dylan to feed from me an hour later but he wasn’t interested, actually gagging and arching his back.
I loaded him up in the car and drove to mums. I could feel the tears starting to well up as I took him inside. Mum obviously didn’t know what was up and I ended running from the house in tears, without even kissing Dylan goodbye.
I feel like my body has rejected Dylan and he in turn has rejected me. I know its stupid but I can’t help it. I’ve tried so hard to get breast feeding right, we struggled at the start and I thought we were just hitting the easy part. But now I think its coming to an end. And that scares me. Will Keefe now feel its okay to take the little bloke away from me, he doesn’t need me after all. Will Dylan and I still have special mommie time!
I hate my body. I hate that Im still struggling to master breast feeding. I hate that I feel Im not feeding my baby!
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