Tuesday 5th October

Tuesday 5^th October

Today was not a good day. I woke this morning feeling really good, my arms and leg were hurting but I thought it was the work I did with Sophie, yesterday. I made my way, with my gorgeous catheter handbag to the toilet and did what is normal to do. Yeah!

Back to the bed I noticed I had leaked lots through the night, the sheets were covered and my gown was soaked too. Val and Robbie came in to remove my bandages so Mr Valham could have a look. As soon as they began to cut through the arm bandages I knew something was wrong, it smelt so bad.

I looked at Vals face as the bandages were pulled away and it was confirmed, something was wrong. Words like soft, leakage, infected were bandied around the room I looked at my wounds and they were pink and wet, with long strings of skin hanging from them. They stunk, a sweet but wrong smell!

Mr Valham came in and again his eyes showed disappointment, more words IV antibiotics, extended stay, not good, were thrown in to the pot. My mood plummeted and I realised I was going to be here for a long time.

Val removed the last of my bandages; my donor sight bandage was wet and bloody and made me gasp with pain as it was pulled from my leg.

Val took me into the bathroom, the chair they use to help you get in and out of the bath is really clever, “this might hurt a bit when your lowered into the water Shannon”. It did, but it felt good too. I lay in the bath, bits of my body literally falling into the water around me, dabbing at the wounds, trying to get them clean, each dab a little pull of pain, not a great big pain, just a sharp one. Hair washed, body given a final cleansing shower wash. All need for privacy gone, I just wanted to be clean.

Robbie did my bandages; I lay on the bed trying to move my body into the best position possible for them to do what they needed to do. Orimorph easing my physical pain, nothing helping my thoughts and brooding, my body isn’t healing. More time till I get home to my baby.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of Orimorph, more drugs please, yes Im hurting. I cried, after dropping a book on the floor, I couldn’t get to it. My body wouldn’t work. I cried and cried, silent tears.

Mum and dad come with sparkley water, kisses and tired faces. We talked about me staying in for longer, “we can cope, just get better”. They are so good to me; I want to get better to stop their pain. I want to not be here, but I am. Today is not a good day.