Ahhh well the morning dawned. I thought cause I had myself all organised, packing up bags and preparing food, that it wouldn't hurt as much but my god.
I started to cry about 6.50am... I was still crying at 7.30 when I drove him down to mums. I continued to cry all the way to work. I walked through the doors at work (after applying my make up for the third time) brave faced, shoulders back...
"I'm here" I said cheerfully ... my bottom lip trembled, my eyes filled up "but I'm not sure how much use I'm going to be" and the tears started again.
I've been through some bad stuff in my life, but like to think I've faced it with a determined aplomb, I don't like to be weepy, or down, or negative - contrary to my blog - but today was probably the hardest of my life so far.
I cant even begin to describe how much leaving him hurt, something was missing and no matter how many times I looked at his pictures I felt lost.
The day dragged, I only called home once (mum phoned me twice with updates, bless her), but by 4pm I was pulling down the shutters and hurrying homeward.
I rushed through mums door to find my wee man sitting happily playing in his jungle gym. The look on his face was something like "ohhh hello - where you been?". I picked him up and squeezed him tight, sniffing him in, ahhh that smell, my heart beat slowed and I felt at peace again.
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