It does get easier - work!

Well the morning started out pretty much like Tuesday - tears and reapplications of make up - but by the time Keefe got up and I went to wake Dylan I had myself under control.

I think last nights preparations helped. I had pre-packed all his stuff in bags and got my uniform ready. His meals and milk were sorted and all I needed to do was get the little man up, put on his coat (going to Nanny Sans means he doesn't have to be out of his PJ's) and drive - I'm on a three step program here.

The drive to mum and dads passed without tears, infact we even managed to get through a couple of songs on his nursery rhymes CD - step 1 achieved.

I sat with Dylan and chatted to my folks for 10 mins, no tears so far, then kissed the wee man on his head, breathing in one last lungfull of baby I headed out for the car. Tears welled in my eyes but I managed to blink them away - step 2 achieved.

Into work - still no floods although the occasional hiccup and eye welling occurred. However have to admit to actually getting on with some work today, whereas Tuesday was mainly filled with looking at pictures of Dylan on the yahoo web site - step 3 achieved.

Medal and fan fare please!!!!

Lunch break. Yes, I made it through the morning without calling home, without crying too much and without embarrassing myself. Expressed (a whole blog to itself me thinks) and strode into the kitchen with my bottle of milk - I am a working mum!!!

Agi and Terri - two of the centre regulars started chatting to me about the little guy and I was fine. I can't even remember what set me off, some innocuous comment but the tears flowed and I rushed to the toilet in embarrassment.

Face washed, make up re-applied, without mascara - I've given up on mascara - I headed back into the kitchen to apologise and was soundly hugged by Agi who consoled me with "its all right, it does get easier".

The rest of the afternoon flew by and I made it through with no more tears.

Heading home in the car I was hit by Agi's words. "It does get easier" and it got me thinking, cause in a way I don't want it too. I don't want to ever become complacent about leaving my wee man - Is this stupid or is this just one more emotion I have to control because I'm now a "grown up?

Enough pondering, because this evening when I walked in to the living room I was greeted with the biggest smile and open arms - God I love this child!!

House sitting - 1

This morning I joined Annette (NCT Gang) at her house for my "induction" session. She showed me all the basic stuff - how to work the expresso machine, where the cats food is kept and the puter.

For the next three weeks Dylan and I are going to be house sitting for her, Orla and Tom when they return to Switzerland to visit parents and family.

Its a lovely old fashioned house with high ceilings and wooden floors. Its going to be most strange living in a proper house but have to admit that the bath situation is most tempting!

I've promised not to obsessively clean - but to read and watch movies and just relax. Lets see how long I can keep to that one! My only real "duties" are to feed the Mr Fosses (the cat) twice a day and put the bins out for Wednesday morning.

Dylan will be sleeping in Orla's big cot, practice for his own and I will have a full sized double bed to stretch myself out in - ahhh the decadence of it all.

Don't wanna be here....

Ahhh well the morning dawned. I thought cause I had myself all organised, packing up bags and preparing food, that it wouldn't hurt as much but my god.

I started to cry about 6.50am... I was still crying at 7.30 when I drove him down to mums. I continued to cry all the way to work. I walked through the doors at work (after applying my make up for the third time) brave faced, shoulders back...

"I'm here" I said cheerfully ... my bottom lip trembled, my eyes filled up "but I'm not sure how much use I'm going to be" and the tears started again.

I've been through some bad stuff in my life, but like to think I've faced it with a determined aplomb, I don't like to be weepy, or down, or negative - contrary to my blog - but today was probably the hardest of my life so far.

I cant even begin to describe how much leaving him hurt, something was missing and no matter how many times I looked at his pictures I felt lost.

The day dragged, I only called home once (mum phoned me twice with updates, bless her), but by 4pm I was pulling down the shutters and hurrying homeward.

I rushed through mums door to find my wee man sitting happily playing in his jungle gym. The look on his face was something like "ohhh hello - where you been?". I picked him up and squeezed him tight, sniffing him in, ahhh that smell, my heart beat slowed and I felt at peace again.

Big Bed.

Dylan has been sleeping in a cot that goes next to my bed. Its been really lovely as I hear him breathing at night, I also hear him snorting, snuffling and singing. I love it, but know that sooner, rather than later, he is going to have to move into a bigger bed, that wont fit next to mine.

My baby is growing up!

Then today I arrived at my mommies to find that the crib we have generously been given was up and ready for the little bloke. Blankets, chime thingy and all. God it brought a lump to my throat.

As he sat in the cot, his little hands pulling on the bars I cried a little. I seem to be doing that an awful lot lately.

BAAAAD Mommie.

I cant believe it - it happened again!

I was sat with the wee feller and we were doing the usual playing stuff. I stood up, simply stood up, and before I could move, cry out or react in any way positive the little bloke leant forward and simply rolled off the sofa.

He hit the floor and screamed. I picked him up and cried.

How could it have happened again - I think he is part lemming!!!

On a more up beat note - weighed in today at a totally fab 15lb 8oz.



And I got the photo's back from the photoshoot (Which I forgot to blog about)They are gorgeous!

Carrots are yummy!

Hmmm today we had carrots and baby rice. He loved it. I went a bit over board and made a big batch (used a whole carrot, he is only supposed to be taking two or three spoonfuls) I was going to split it into little pots but thought I would just try him to see how much he would take - He ate the bally lot.

When I started weaning I was going to try the self feeding thang, where he feeds himself finger foods and stuff but he just seemed to get frustrated with not being able to get the food into his mouth.

So Im spoon feeding him. Sometimes he really cries between mouthfuls, but from the "investigating" I've done it seems he is just frustrated it isn't coming fast enough, having been used to getting his food pretty darn quick for the last five months.

He does like to have the spoon at the end of his meal though.


So far we have tried the following finger foods:
Apple - as a finger food. This is fun as he munches on it quite happily as long as I, or some other sucker, will hold it in place for him.
Cucumber - big bits are best, at first he wasn't at all happy with this one, but on the second or third showing, with big chunks he happily muched away.
Pepper - Loves it!
Chips - Definitely got Irish heritage as Taties in any form are wolfed down like they are going out of fashion.

Foods cooked or put in with baby rice
Banana - again hated it at first but now happily takes it with baby rice, still doesn't like too much of it on its own.
Sweet potato - Yummy - will happily eat this till it comes out of his ears, covers his head, and mine!
Broccoli - Hmm only tried this once and he coughed,spluttered and screamed. Might be one of those we go back to.
Carrots - the pic says it better than I could.

Just wanna be your teddy bear.

Dylan woke this morning at 5.30, he'd slept through from 10.30 so I was over joyed. After feeding him I went to the bathroom, he sang me through my "ablutions". Tina and Rosie mewled round my legs "its nearly breakfast time, feed us" they said.

So I did. And as I did I heard Dylan singing some more, a whole conversation was going on. Unsure who he was talking to I crept into the bed room and saw this....



I obviously crept back out and got my camera...

He was obviously having an intense conversations



How cute