The visiting it continues...

I've gotta say that Shaun, my brother, is a bit difficult to deal with at times, sometimes he's all "yeah" and other times there is a definite "Fuck, why are you here vibe", that I find hard to deal with.

Even though we confirmed we were coming to visit 3 weeks ago, I've had that vibe this weekend, when I had to ask if it was ok to stay the extra night on Sunday I really felt like I was overstaying the weekend.

Shaun informed me that he was working Monday, so I kinda planed to leave early morning, allowing Dylan to sleep in the car on the way to Bev and Simon's. I figured we could spend the day meandering around Lancaster until Bev and Simon got in on Monday evening.

Monday morning dawned and Dylan woke up with the words "Cows" burning his lips, I heard Jo in the shower so knew it was okay for us to get up. In our pyjamas we headed down the back of the garden to say to "goodmorning" to the cows. The farmer, who is according to Shaun and Jo, a bit of a recluse, waved and smiled at us. I guess the sight of a very dishevelled mommie, holding up a grinning two year old screaming "Morning Cows" can break down the biggest of walls.

After checking out the cows we returned to the kitchen to Jo. Dylan was in denial about Jo leaving to go to work. "Jogi - stay". "Cows". "Hold hand". Jo seemed to find it almost as difficult to say goodbye to Dylan and he did to her. But, unexpectedly Shaun turfed himself out of bed and the separation process was made slightly easier.

We waved off Jo and returned to the kitchen for more tea. There is something intrinsically lovely about sitting and drinking tea with your brother. Especially when said brother appeared to be in the loveliest of moods.

Instead of demanding our departure Shaun actually encouraged us to spend the day with him. He explained he had a couple of jobs to do in Keswick but was happy to take us to the climbing wall to do a bit of climbing.

I packed up the car whilst Shaun took Dylan out to say goodbye to the cows. Then we set off to Keswick. I really did think it was a going to be a here it is, say goodbye... but we spent a gorgeous day with Shaun. He demonstrated such a huge amount of patience with Dylan, chasing round after him, encouraging him to play, encouraging me to climb, encouraging both of us to investigate.

Dylan loved the swinging stuff,


but didn't particularly go for the climbing.


I thought it was still a bit early, but talking to one of Shaun's friends it seems that its actually quite normal to encourage 2 yr olds to start climbing.

Dylan did however love the latter part of the afternoon where Uncle Shaun played, they threw sticks and generally just interacted. I loved watching it. Dylan seemed to really enjoy the maleness of Shaun's play. They sat on a hill throwing sticks at me

Which Dylan thought was hilarious



doing Pooh sticks



And just playing. It was really gorgeous to watch. Sometimes I wonder if he is starved of male role models, cause whenever he is with a "guy" Dylan just becomes so interactive and playful.

Anyway, the afternoon had to come to an end and at 4 o'clock we said goodbye to Shaun and set off to Bev and Simon's in Lancaster. Dylan cried as we drove away "Bye, bye Shaun", "Shaun Gone mama"

Within minutes of being in the car he was asleep, the afternoons activity obviously taking its toll. The drive down to Lancaster was really easy and very enjoyable. As I drive through the Cumbrian landscape I always feel so at home, being an army brat I have limited opportunities to return to places. This is one of the few places I can.

I arrived at Bev's thinking I would have to hang for a while, but luckily Lynne and Simon were both home.

Now again. Misconceptions rule. And Ive probably not taken Dylan to visit Bev and Simon cause they are definitely not "children" people. Simon and Lynn, Bev and Simon's house mate, were totally cool with Dylan, really welcoming and very encouraging to his forages into their home.

Simon took us on an exploration around their house, which is a very lovely place at the back of a farm, so there were "tractors", chickens and sheep in abundance. Most exciting to Dylan was Bev's horse trailer, which Simon happily opened up for us, Dylan climbed a mongthe horse poo, much to Simons amusement and the tone for the evening was set.

We spent a lovely evening at a local pub with Bev and Simon being perfect hosts to me and a rather exuberant 2 yr old. With Dylan in bed much wine was consumed and we chatted, caught up and I just had a lovely time. Buckets of wine later I head for bed with a warm feeling in my belly.

The morning dawned and Dylan and I sneaked downstairs to join Lynn for breakfast, Bev soon joined us and we had a leisurely meander threw cornflakes. Sadly all visits must come to an end so I packed up the car and we waved "Bye Bye" to Bev.

My misconceptions I have stored firmly in the bin. Bev and Simon are totally fab with kids and I would be more than happy to leave the little bloke in their tender ministrations.

We went a visiting.

This weekend, with Keefe away in London, I decided to pack up the car and head over to visit Shaun and Jo - we've not been over to see them since October last year and I love spending time with Jo, she is just so easy going.

Dylan spent the morning with Pops (My dads current name) Ludden whilst I did 'sing and sign'. I came home to find a very happy wee man lying on the sofa with a grin on his face. Dylan was pretty happy too. They had been down on the beach, getting very wet.

Putting a tired we man into the car I headed off to Cumbria, the traffic was actually pretty good and we made great time. Dylan was asleep by the time I hit the end of my road and didn't wake up until we hit the beginning of Jo and Shaun's. What a great way to travel - get in the car, go to sleep, wake up and "hey presto your there".

Jo was her normal gorgeous welcoming self. Dylan walked into the house, through the living room into the kitchen, pointed out the back and said "Cows, outside". Which yes, there were. HE REMEMBERED!!!

My inability to pack properly meant that we had to pop into Cockermouth to buy a coat! Coat picked up we headed off to Georgina's, a friend of Jo's from work. Georgina has chickens! Need I say more! Dylan had a fantastic time and Georgina made us really welcome, we had tea and cake and Dylan was allowed to pick his own egg from the coop for breakfast. He was such a little charmer and made himself totally at home!

Sunday we spent with Jo, as Shaun was working. We went for a gorgeous walk in the morning, in search of cows, the lane we walked down was full of puddles and mud and Dylan stomped through each and every one. We saw lambs, Dylan was over the moon he actually signed "Baby" and "sheep" - hmm was Dylan over the moon or was I.

With wellies full of water and mud we headed home for a morning nap - it didn't happen.

So instead of Jo cooking I took her up to the villages local to see what they offered for Sunday lunch. From the outside its a really rough little pub, I was kinda expecting the place to go quiet as we entered, with the swoosh of the pub doors the only thing we could hear, but instead we got a welcoming "hello" from the bar man.

We ordered drinks and Dylan took charge. He played on the bar stools, investigated the tables and got the bar man to play "boo" with him. The food was fab and even with Dylan doing his little hooligan bit, we had a very lovely time.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with the obligatory snooze in front of the "real coal fire", making cornflake chocolate crunchies, finding cows and investigating Shaun and Jo's allotment - A pretty full day.



Dylan put his coat on by himself, once he had it on I couldnt get him to take it off - I had to do it up for him!!!



By the time I eventually got Dylan into bed I was more than ready for the warmth of the duvet myself.

Dylans Party

This weekend the weekend of the JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTY.

There are five of us, Annette, Helene, Julie, Emma and me, who hang on a regular basis, whose babies, Orlan, Archie, Eva, Maisey and Dylan, were all born pretty near each other. Rather than having separate parties we had decided to have a joint party, we had also agreed that our little bambino's have got enough stuff, so we decided to ask everyone who was coming to the party to not bring presents, but to make donations to the NSPCC.

Invitations went out, the room was booked and the cakes made (thanks to Annette). Saturday morning came and I felt bloody awful, I had spent most of the night poo-ing through the eye of a needle and being violently sick when I wasn't poo-ing.

Mum and dad agreed to take Dylan to the party, because Keefe was going to do his shopping - priorities in the right place, or what. After dropping Dylan off at mine, he then had the cheek to invite himself to the party. I was too ill to actually argue with him. He didn't even see that as he didn't know anyone else there and had made no contribution to the party that it was, in my opinion, wrong for him to be there.

But he went, so did mum and dad. Mum called me half way through the party to say that Emma, had asked Keefe if he was "Dylan's Grandad". God that made me smile - bitch that I am!

Me, I spent the day lying on the sofa, watching "Sharp" in between visits to the toilet.

Mum and dad took Dylan for the night, because Keefe had to tidy up and he had had him for two nights previously.

I'm saying nothing!!!! (four exclamation marks should say it all)

What have I been doing these last couple of days...

Well, Keefe went off to London and Ive been looking after Dylan. Its been the usual chaotic crap, added into the pot is my returning to work - Booo, and getting the all clear from Mr Collis regarding my boobs and the all clear on the cancer scare - Yeahhhhhs all round.

Ive also spent a lot of time with Annette and Orla, just hanging either at the aquarium, Kikis or pottering round her place. Its just so easy spending time with Annette, we seem able to talk about anything and generally we do.

This afternoon we headed to the park and Orla and Dylan ran round like mad thingies. its a great way to get them tired out for the night. Annette and I did our usual entertainment thang on the see saw. We are getting pretty good at requests, although I have to say generally we do "Horsey, Horsey", "How much is that doggy in the window" and "Wheels on the bus". All the other mums and dads in the park look on us like we are little mad, but also with a little jealousy - We are after all quite fab!!!

My baby is back...

I crept upstairs once he slept and peeked in at him, I couldnt resist taking this photo.


God I love him

My Quiet time endeth...

I spent this morning attempting to make up for my rather lax weekend. I walked down to the shops, it was lovely, windy but still nice to just plod on down. I have to say that the walk back with two heavily laden bags was slightly just off the nice... my arms ache!

I changed my bed, did several loads of washing and spoke to Hooch. It was during this conversation that I finally had to face that Im now totally clear of my antidepresants. And Im back to a rather emotional me!!!

Hooch sent me a photo she had taken whilst attending a ball down in London. She has over the last couple of months lost an incredible 40lbs. Following an accident as a child her front teeth were a stained brown colour, I have to admit that after talking to her for about 3 seconds you totally forget this, but its always been an issue for Hx and because she can she got it fixed.

In this photo she looked slim, she looked confidant and she was smiling!! Even as my bridesmaid she didnt smile (that may have been the dress) but just seeing her looking so fantastic was just too much for my raw red emotions and I burst into tears.

Just as I was pulling myself together didnt the 'cahw' go and call me... Blub!

Anyway following a prolonged conversation we said goodbye, Hx went off to do some work and I went off to play with my compter, whislt watching some of the DVDs that I have never quite found the time to watch.

2.30 came and in walked my wee man. My heart sored and as he ran to me, crying "Ma" I knew that as much as I have loved this lazy weekend, I love having him in my life much more.

Daniels visit.

Keefe was responsible for capturing pictures of Daniel and Dylan whilst on his visit. Its not one of the things he is great at, so these are the pics I have ....

Call me a couch potatoe...

I cannot believe it, I've had a weekend all to myself, excluding sing and sign yesterday morning and I've done ABSOLUTELY nothing. I mean it, nothing, nada, niet...

Ive sat on the couch moulding my butt into a deepening well of wobbliness. As each moment passes I have felt the pounds increase. That image has not been helped by the fact that I've eaten and drunk more this weekend than I've eaten and drunk for weeks.

I've plebbed!

Oh my god, I feel so guilty!

But it has been relaxing!

Dylan is leaving me...

Or at least Dylan is going to stay with his daddy for the weekend. Daniel, his brother, is coming up to stay, the plan is to take him to Flamingo Land on Sunday, a day which we normally spend at Mum and Dads.

We spent the morning playing in the living room. His speach and vocabluary are becoming really defined, stringing words together to make sentances, which Im sure only close family understand, but it does make me so proud.

Ruth and Josh came to play with us at 10.30 and we had a lovely morning just chatting and watching the two boys play together.


Da Boyz!!

After lunch, which I cooked, with Nigela like precision, we all headed off, Ruth and Josh back home and me to drop Dylan off at Mums so I could head on to Sing and sign.

The latter part of the afternoon/evening was spent watching my mum and dad playing with Dylan. The do dote on him and it makes my heart smile to see how much he loves them too.


Cuddles from Nanma San

Nanma is constantly hounded to "come play" and she is not allowed to sit down for five minutes on her own. Not that she minds this of course, encouraging him to jump and bounce around the house like a small hooligan on acid.

Gandie and he are just mates, playing chase, hiding and sharing fruit.


"Its mine" - "No its mine"

Im ready to go back to work.

Yep, its official, one of the outcomes of the work fiasco was that I had to go through Occupational Health to decide how and when I returned to work. The last time I went I had a meeting with a very officious bloke, who was more interested in the sound of his own voice than actually discussing what my situation and needs were. So to put it bluntly I was not looking forward to this meeting.

The letter asked you to get there 10 mins early, which I did, I then sat for another 30 mins waiting for the arrival of said bore. Each passing moment made me more angry and I spent all the time twisting my hair, biting my fingers and going through the things I would say to the officious ole bugger.

Then this lovely smily lady turned up, full of applogies, she asked me to come with her and situated me in her office, apologising again for the delay and saying how she "understood how angry I would be feeling"...

My anger slowly subsided and I was left smiling along with Ethelda Brown. Before too long I was telling her about the last couple of years. She sat writing notes and nodding and I kept thinking "God Shannon, shut up, you sound like a real hypercondriac with serious reality issues".

But once I had run out of breath she smiled, sat back and said "My God, what a couple of years you've gone through". Then she proceeded to discuss with me my best options for return, ways to relax at night time and how to cope with returning to work and leaving Dylan.

I left feeling that I hadnt been totally crap these last five months, that actually things had been addressed and I had come out of it feeling stronger and more able to cope with life.

Its amazing how a nice smile and understanding nod can change your perception on things.

Im going back to work - Its official

Met up this morning with Mick, Chris (Big Bos) and Suzanne Hayward from HR. Kinda went the way I expected it, things Mick had previously said were changed, so I looked like a very paranoid wretch, and had totally misunderstood his comments - whats new there then!!!

But the basic outcome is that once I have had my meeting with Occupational Health I'm going back for 3 days a week, to be arranged with Manager at Howdon Community centre, and I will be working as an ICT facilitator.

Howdon is a good centre, so Im actually looking forward to it, the staff there are great and the punters who were coming in for the sessions I was doing there seemed really eager and very enthusiastic about ICT.

All good news then.

Just can't help wishing I could find that 68yr old millionaire with a heart defect, then I would have to go back.

2 is the Magic number.

Yes today my bambino turned two.



We had such a lovely day. This morning he got out of his own bed and came into my bedroom "Ma - milk". We went downstairs and had a leisurely breakfast then I began the "get ready" for the quiet family party I had invited folks too.

Now this has actually caused a bone of contention in my family, because in two weeks time I'm going to have a joint party with some of the girls I know whose babies are born around the same time. I decided that today then would just be Mum, dad, Keefe (Cough) me and Dylan opening cards and presents. But everyone else in my family seemed to think that I needed to have cake and invite at least a few of his friends to celebrate the big day. To keep the peace I invited, last thing last night, the girls from my NCT group - even though they too would be coming to his joint party, and a new acquaintance Renata, with her lovely son, Danny.

Dylan and I headed off to the shops to fill up on party food and a cake tin. You can't make a cake without a cake tin. Shopping has become somewhat torturous. Dylan hates being in a trolley and even following Dr Tania's advise and taking things to distract him or offer him to eat, we still have a bit of a battle on our hands. Luckily he doesn't do much screaming and tantrum throwing and when it happens I'm getting better at calming and distracting "Oooh Dylan look bake beans"

So recyclable bags filled and Dylan once again contained in the trolley I headed off home with great resolve about cooking Dylan's cake. I had decided to make a carrot cake, not your traditional birthday cake, but he loves carrot cake at the moment.

In true "Shannon madness" the recipe didn't work and instead of a plump raised cake I had a thin slice of uck. The filling and topping were a crime to culinary skills and it looked like I was heading towards a true cake disaster.

Dylan was running round my legs, wholewheat flower was flying everywhere and the carrots were running low. I decided on the ole "two layers is better than one" I made another layer, filled the middle with orange butter spread, covered the top in a Delia based recipe and plonked a candle on the top "Walllahhhhhh"

I had brought food for all 14 of us and proceeded to cook a batch of chicken legs, Indian bits and pieces and making the filling for sandwiches. In the middle of basting chicken legs and sorting our ribs Ruth texted to say that sadly she wouldn't be able to make it.

I hoovered and quickly cleaned the house, or at least the bits of the house that people might go into. Next text - Danny and Renate wouldn't be coming! Hmm just hoping that those coming will be hungry.

Dylan was more than happy during my domestic trials and tribulations to play with his new cooker. Even though I had said to everyone "DO NOT BUY PRESENTS" I had succumbed myself and brought him a cooker, quite fab and he loves it.

Keefe collected Dylan at 12 to "take him off my hands for an hour or so, taking him to Adventure Land to run him ragged".

Cake disaster diverted, food cooking and house relatively clean at 2pm I felt as if I was "in control", normally I would be reaching for the wine at this stage in the firm belief that a party doesn't swing without alcohol, but for some reason being drunk didn't hang properly.

Mum and dad turned up with the tent, yes I did say tent and Weebles castle.

They just don't make them like they used too!

We blew up balloons, cooked the last of the food, stuck up banners an generally got the house ready. Just after 2.30 Keefe turned up with Dylan and his Thomas the Tank engine track, with 20 balloons the house was getting rather full. Dylan ooh'ed and ahhh'ed through the whole process, loving it.

At 3pm Annette turned up with a trampoline. Fiona and Thomas turned up soon after and it was official the house was full - I kinda thanked my lucky stars that Ruth and Renate hadn't been able to make it.

The party, if I say so myself was fab, Orla, Thomas and Dylan ran round like hooligans, playing in the tent.


Thomas, a tent and twenty balloons.

Jumping on trampolines and causing the cats to have an apoplexy. There was food a plenty, conversation flowed and it seemed that everyone had a great time.

My carrot cake was a hit!!!



By 6pm the house was almost back to normal, Dylan lay supine on the sofa with his bottle of milk an contented look on his face. He looked so happy. We, or should I say, ate the last of the party food, bathed and then watched an hour of Winnie the Pooh.

The perfect ending to a somewhat chaotic but perfect day!

A song in D-miner.

Some times when listneing to a song you want to add your own verses......


Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I

kissed your husband/partner/live in lover.


Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I slep with yoooooooour best mate...

Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I slept with yourrrr uncle....


Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I said I dont love you

Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I said now is not the time
Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I said "where were YOU?"

Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby

Would you love me

ifff....

I said "hold me tight"


Would you love meeeee
Would you love me baby
Would you love me baby ifff....