Expressing issues.

Okay, the ongoing struggles and doubts continue.

I'm attempting to get my boobs used to having to express milk on a daily basis so when I go back to work I can continue to "feed" Dylan. I know there is nothing wrong with formula and I'm certainly not looking down on anyone who feeds their baby this way but personally I want to continue to give Dylan what nature intended me to give him.

So on a regular basis I hook myself up to this gorgeous machine

and let it suck out my juices - LOL!

The first couple of times I did this I got great results - or so I thought - 3-4 ounces from each boob, making a complete feed for Dylan. But it seems the more I do it the less my boobs put out. I've been on line and discovered that 2 ounces per session is actually pretty normal, particuarly as I'm producing this amount in a fairly short time, but and here is the but, I don't seem to produce any more milk after this short time. My boobs seem to dry up - I know they don't, but that's how it seems!

I've tried sitting with the pump sucking away but after the initial "output" nothing else happens other than my nipples get sore. I did start to panic thinking that 2 ounces per session was all Dylan was getting but apparently he is far more efficient than a pump and is likely to get more than I can whilst expressing. I'm trying not to let myself feel this is a failure, cause I'm producing milk, but its frustrating cause I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong.

Being me I constantly think is there something else I could be doing to get more, give him more, which leads to my other concern in that Dylan didn't put on any weight last week. The health visitor told me not to worry too much as he put 11 ounces on the week before. He's due another weigh in tomorrow so I guess the truth will be in the pudding.

On the up side, K can now reguarly giving Dylan a feed at 10pmish - Daddy bonding time! It felt strange not having him to myself for a while but I quickly took advantage of the extra sleep time.

I feel a bit down when he refuses to feed from the bottle, cause its like he is refusing my milk, but extracting the positive from the negative, at least its the bottle he is refusing and not me. Most nights he is taking the full six ounces I'm "pumping" through the day, sometimes he doesn't.

And before anyone asks no he still hasn't slept through, but I actually love our 3am feed, its mummy and Dylan time - very quiet and full of cuddles.