The cremation has happened of a little tiny soul. Janine's blog shows her sadness and pain and I cry when I read it, but I know she is strong woman who will learn to live with her sadness as time softens the pain.
I dont know what to say to her, I have picked up the phone so many times, but never quite had the strength to dial the number, I know I will just say the wrong thing, the stupid thing.
What do you say to someone who is dealing with so much pain and anguish, how do you show you care! Every day Dylan does something new and amazing and I am filled with such happiness that he is here with me. How can I help Janine cope with not having these memories, how can I take her hand and say "it will leasen" when I do not think I could deal with the sadness myself.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Its my birthday
And I will cry if I want too.
Today I turned 37 - nothing Im too bothered about, in fact it felt quite lovely to be woken up this morning by my favourite guy with a kiss and a wet nappy in my face. We played quite happily for the morning until I got a text from a friend called Janine, she had given birth to a little boy three days ago, Jamie, but sadly he had a heart defect and he had died.
I sat on the sofa clinging to Dylan my heart aching for Janine, Gary and their girls.I held Dylan so tight and clung to the thought that I am one of the lucky ones.
My heart goes out to this family who, for the last 40 weeks have looked forward to bringing new life into the world. A lovely family who cares and shares love and laughter. I do not know how Janine is coping with the loss, her body still thinking it has a child to feed and care for. Her emotions must be going through hell. I can only wish them love and peace at this hard, hard time.
I took salmon pie - it is not enough but it was my way of saying, I care.
Today I turned 37 - nothing Im too bothered about, in fact it felt quite lovely to be woken up this morning by my favourite guy with a kiss and a wet nappy in my face. We played quite happily for the morning until I got a text from a friend called Janine, she had given birth to a little boy three days ago, Jamie, but sadly he had a heart defect and he had died.
I sat on the sofa clinging to Dylan my heart aching for Janine, Gary and their girls.I held Dylan so tight and clung to the thought that I am one of the lucky ones.
My heart goes out to this family who, for the last 40 weeks have looked forward to bringing new life into the world. A lovely family who cares and shares love and laughter. I do not know how Janine is coping with the loss, her body still thinking it has a child to feed and care for. Her emotions must be going through hell. I can only wish them love and peace at this hard, hard time.
I took salmon pie - it is not enough but it was my way of saying, I care.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Gardening is fun.
My mum is a bit of a gardening wizard. She makes things grow that shouldn't grow and they grow BIG! My wee garden was a real tip when I moved in - totally over grown and rather disgusting, full of cat poo, crisp packets and beer cans.
Mum however has been up two or three times and the garden has become a nice place to be in. It took a lot of time and lots of digging, clearing and planting. Plants are not my big thing - I'm a bit of a plant killer, but I've been converted. I'm growing tomatoes and peas. Matron and Hooch you are my inspiration.
Dylan loves it when we are out in the garden, its an obvious time for him to play in water and mud.
I brought some garden ornaments, a cow, a pig and a sheep, from Morrisons. Dylan loved them, but sadly they haven't lasted all that long. The sheep lost its ears within the first couple of minutes and the poor cow...
Best of all though was seeing Dylan lying with his face in a puddle blowing bubbles.
Mum however has been up two or three times and the garden has become a nice place to be in. It took a lot of time and lots of digging, clearing and planting. Plants are not my big thing - I'm a bit of a plant killer, but I've been converted. I'm growing tomatoes and peas. Matron and Hooch you are my inspiration.
Dylan loves it when we are out in the garden, its an obvious time for him to play in water and mud.
I brought some garden ornaments, a cow, a pig and a sheep, from Morrisons. Dylan loved them, but sadly they haven't lasted all that long. The sheep lost its ears within the first couple of minutes and the poor cow...
Best of all though was seeing Dylan lying with his face in a puddle blowing bubbles.
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