Snow - I hate snow

Its snowed now for what seems like forever. The cold seeps into me and makes my leg and arm hurt like hell. Its pins and needles and bone weary. I feel like I do nothing but talk about how much I hurt or ache. Stuff is happening and Im missing it!

Mum was crying this afternoon because her back ached. I asked if I could help, knowing I couldn't, but wanted to try. She just sat and cried and I held her. I still cant cry, I want to cry but am scared that if I let go I wont be able to find my way back.

I went to see Dylan's nativity at school. I couldn't see him most of the time, but I was aware as I sat there watching this scene unfold before me that I should be feeling something, there should be pride or happiness, but I'm detached. Its not that I'm not present I just feel uninvolved. I need to talk to Bridie as I feel as if slowly I'm eroding away. Becoming nothing more than wounds and pain. Not great pain, like before just constant aching pain that never seems to go away. Nothing matters, nothing takes me totally out of this ache.