Bridie my Guru!

Had a fantastic session with Bridie today. She seems to help me put my thoughts into order, restructuring my thoughts from destructive to positive.

Ive struggled with being at home, feeling claustrophobic and like I've reverted back to being a teenager. But she's helped me see that of course I'm going through these feelings. I have lost control of everything.

I'm 40 years old and only have the things I have because my dad has bought it for me. I'm dependant on my parents for everything, physically, mentally, financially. I'm grumpy and irritable because I'm tired and sore, I feel guilty because of the pressure my parents are under and therefore I snap at them, at Dylan. I resent this but its not my fault, it is the situation I'm in.

Things for me to remember over the next few weeks.

• Pain is good, but its not nice!
• My body will react to temperature over the next couple of months, I should be aware of this because intense heat/cold will cause intense pain.
• I have to acknowledge that things are and will be sore, and not expect too much of myself or my body.
• Things I can say instead of "I'm fine", which I'm not and I cant keep putting on smiley face. "Today is not a good day". "Nerve pain is setting in and its sore". This means I'm not lying to myself, but I'm also acknowledging its not easy.

Sometimes I want to curl into a ball and not have to deal with anyone. I try and motivate myself but end up tired.