happy talking...

You got to have a dream, to make a dream come true....

Bad lyrics from a hyped 80's song. Although I kinda have a vague memory of my mum running through the dunes in Cornwall, throwing off her clothes and urging us to chase the fireflies - weird.

I've been to see the Dr, Im definately depressed, probably more unbalanced than the first time round. Ive had some really awful thoughts these last couple of weeks, Ive crawled around in the slime in my head and I dont like what I am. But that said I also realise that Im slightly off kilter of reality, of the real me. Which brings me back to the angst ridden question "who the hell am I".

Talk to my friends and Im one person for them, another for some one else. My family dont even know me, sometimes I think they dont want to know me. I am the vessle that produced the "grandson, the nephew", nothing more, but nothing less either.

I know everyone does this multiple personality thing, but Im wondering why. Are we protecting ourselfs, morphing into something to please, to hide, to decieve!

I cannot and will not give in to the thoughts in my head which tell me the world would be a better place without me. I know this is not true. But sometimes the whispers sound like truth and I have to admit that the possibility of just stopping for a while, not dealing, not caring sounds almost too good to be true.