Oh my - where did the month go.

Well its been a month of high highs and low lows but I'm generally feeling like the world is a much better place to be in. I'm occasionally having a bad day but they are becoming few and far between. I know I keep saying it but Dylan has really helped me get through this time. He is totally amazing and I've loved this "extra" time I have had with him going through this exciting stage of his life.

He is now sitting from standing really easily and has attempted to stand without the aid of furniture a few times. He is still wobbly bob most of the time without furniture but I believe he will be happily walking by Christmas.

He has also cut his third tooth (top right), discovered the hallway and downstairs toilet and attempted to get up the stairs. I found out he could negotiate the stairs when I pootled up stairs quickly to get his clothes this morning. I left him merrily playing in the living room with Rolly Mo and Crabby Crab. Having picked out his clothes for the day I headed downstairs to be met by a grinning elf who was obviously very proud of himself four steps up.

Nightmare - and a definite "Hello - where are the stair guards".

We spent the day with NannySan and Grandie who are the most "doting foggies". Dylan just grins and shrieks most of the time. Nap time and Quiet time are pretty non existent but he so loves them both its joyous to see.

Keefe and I are on a very even keel. We have got into a sort of routine and when he does something that I don't like I bite my tongue or, if I'm feeling strong enough to deal with it, I deal with it.

All in all the future looks bright.

For the last ten days the little man has got firmer and firmer on his feet. He still struggles every now and then with the sitting from standing thang, but on the whole he is happily charging from one piece of furniture to the next. Clinging to passing legs or just standing with his hand outstretched requesting help!

He is sooo adorable!

Whenever I feel blue I just sit and watch him. Discovering this brave new world!

Its official - I'm not post natal

I'm just depressed. Is there a "just depressed"? In a way its great. Lisa informs me I'm not post natal because of the obvious bond I have with Dylan. There is, from her observations, a lot of love between us and although I admitted to having hard days with Dylan its obvious to her that I love him and he loves me and I'm doing a fantastic job with him.

Obvious!

I wish I could see it, believe it. I still feel like I'm pretending a lot of the time. Pretending to be a mum, pretending to be coping, pretending that everything is ok. There is a dream like quality that surrounds me, but this is, obviously all part of my depression.

Obviously!!


Still not told Keefe why I'm off. He hasn't questioned my "mastitus" story. He obviously doesn't really care. And that suits me.

Obviously!!!

Visit from the Perenatal Nurse.

Lisa came today, she is a part of a team that deals with women who are post/anti natal. She was lovely and I only cried once. Why did I cry? Because I was talking about my fear of loosing Dylan. The sensible part of me knows it's not going to happen, everyone has told me so, but it is there constantly in the back of my mind. If I let go of my feelings, if I give in to this darkness that nips at me I will loose myself totally. The Chasm is deep and dark and I feel as if Im sitting on the edge.

So I have to hold on tight to my emotions, to remain in control. The downside being Im finding it hard to talk to anyone.

On the up - Dylan is going in leaps and bounds with his walking/crawling. He stood and bawled today because he was stuck on the table and wanted desperately to be sitting but couldnt figure out how to get to the floor. He really is a quick learner. Within about 10 minutes he was happily pulling himself up and sitting back down again all with his "how clever am I smile".



Bless him he really does make the grey skies blue.

Look Mum!

Couldnt believe it today Dylan pulled himself up onto the stool in the dinning room and began to push it ahead of himself - WALKING. Mum and I just stood open mouthed then we laughed at him, then I got out my camera.


He was obviously so delighted with his new trick.